The Inner Workings of a King
by knomless tripsalot
Summary: The King is a greedy man with a love for money and women. What happens when he discovers a strange little creature that can get him both at a very low price? Same old Rumpelstiltskin story, but with a sly twist. Is the King as minor a role as we think?


A twist to the classic Rumpelstiltskin story, told from the King's point of view.

Disclaimer: I hereby proclaim that the original story and characters are by the Brother's Grimm. BUT! I take all credit for tweaking it. P

_**The Inner Workings of a King**_

_A door creaked open in a dark apartment at ungodly hours in the morning._

_"AH!"_

_"Shhh," the figure who entered took a seat, making himself comfortable._

_"Who are you?"_

_"Listen, I need you to work for me"_

_"Who _are_ you?"_

_"I know who you are, you can't hide from me."_

_"Yes, that's great, but _who are you?"

_"I'm your new employer."_

_"…"_

_The sound of rustling, then a flash of light as a mirror is pulled out and hair and looks are checked. _

_"WHAT?"_

_A sigh and the mirror is put away._

_"You heard me, Rumpelstiltskin," the other visibly flinched at the name, "you're gonna be working for me."_

_Silence._

_"Anyways, you'll be hearing from me soon,"_

_"What?"_

"_It's called the internet."_

_The rustle of clothes as the man rises. Foot steps click against the stone floor as he crosses the room; the door opens and a beam of light illuminates the room for a brief moment._

_The now lone figure is re-engulfed in darkness, staring, surprised at the door. "What?"_

* * *

The King was a busy man. He had no time for little matters like caring for the people or worrying about his kingdom's economy. Usually the King left those trivial matters to his cabinet. (It's what those stale old men enjoyed doing anyways.) He had other things to do like: posing for statues, making sure his closet was in order by colour, making faces at himself in the mirror and spending as much money as he could as fast he could.

So he could only be so excited for the routine trip into town which did not involve any spending at all. He passed the usual, checking things off as he went. _Bakery, already got his daughter. Tailor's, he has a gay son, so gotta keep my distance. Miller's, hmm I hear he has a beautiful daughter. Wonder if I can get her too. _ Always longing for more money, more women, more luxury, the King jumped at the thought of adding another girl to his already long list of wives in various countries. Yes, he was a player. _It's time to call in old Rumpel._

He first heard of old Rumpel from one of his hunters who had returned to the castle late. By three minutes to be exact. But before the King beheaded him, he was told tell an interesting series of events. Long story short, his hunter's team had discovered a strange little creature in the forest that could turn straw into gold. And while the King would have normally praised the young warrior for his findings, he _was_ late. By three minutes to be exact. So it was the end for him.

Back then, the King only realized after beheading him that he had no way of recognizing much less finding this strange little creature. So, in order to find him and get more women and gold, the King entered the momentous castle library for the first time in his life.

At first he had some trouble finding books. He would skim the shelves row by row, craning his neck ninety degrees to read the book spines one by one looking for something like "STRAW INTO GOLD" or "STRANGE LITTLE CREATURE" only to no avail. Then he made a discovery. He had a library staff. Shy, quiet, cloaked people who would wander the aisles every so often, see the King approaching with his craned neck, squeak out a meagre "Eep!" and quickly shuffle in the opposite direction.  
When he finally got hold of one of the library staff and therefore the desired books, the King sat, read, and dealt with the terrifying thought process. He spent days, weeks, and months looking for the right information. That one last puzzle piece needed to tell him how to find this strange little creature. And when he finally found it in the second to last book from the left of the third bookshelf counting from the right, he smiled to himself an evil smile, leaving the library a changed man. He had a goal: to draw out the little creature and use it not only to get money, but women as well. _Oh yeah, this is gonna be good._

* * *

_"You evil, little, selfish son of a—"_

_"Now, now old Rumpel, is that anyway to treat your new employer?"_

_"How'd you find out about the requirements?"_

"_Oh, that was easy. You see, there are these incredible things called 'library staff' I swear they know everything there is to know."_

_"…right. So how did they know that I would only spin for crying maidens?"_

_"That's the amazing bit! After that it was all a matter of contacting the correct people."_

_"…"_

"_Oh, well it was all very complicated really. I had to do some rearranging of my schedule." A sigh. "Those tickets were so hard to get too."_

"_You bribed people to tell you where I was with plane tickets?"_

"_No! Of course not! I paid them more money to reserve my tickets for future use!"_

"_What?"_

"_Those airline people, I swear, always money grubbing."_

"_Never mind that, how'd you create the circumstances?"_

"_Huh? That? Oh, told a person to tell a person to tell a person that the miller's daughter could spin straw into gold. Then kidnapped her under that assumption, and locked her in the room with the security cameras." A suggestive laugh. "Then sat back and watched to show."_

"_Wait, let me get this straight. You planted a rumour, so you could kidnap a girl, so you could make her cry under the pressure of turning straw into gold, so you could get me to spin for you."_

"_Yes, but in less words."_

"_So you did all this to…"_

"_Get gold of course. The girls are more of a bonus thing."_

* * *

It was difficult. To see all the money go. Simply because the King had to give up his semi-annual trip to the Bahamas. _But it would all be worth it._ The king thought to himself as he smiled. _Straw into gold, baby. Straw into gold._ _  
_After having found the correct information the King carefully crafted his plan. That is to say, he paid some people large sums of money to create a brilliant plan and carry it out. All he knew was that it involved a girl, the strange little creature, a lot of straw, and even more gold. He liked it immediately.

* * *

The king had just gotten back from Venecia when he heard news that he had a little visitor. Wasn't today just his lucky day? He had just had a great weekend with his second wife (of course under the suspicion that he was gone for a business trip) and now he had a visitor, no doubt one of his favourite people.  
Bursting into the room with great drama, the King struck a pose before continuing into the room stopping just before his visitor.

"Oh?" the King paused in a thoughtful fashion, "so you're Rumpelstiltskin, are you?" His gaze was scrutinizing with a glimmer of amusement, almost betraying the fact that this was not their first meeting. The plan had worked, but for some reason the King loved to relive the moment in which he first found and cornered Rumplestiltskin into working for him.

Rumpelstiltskin gave the dramatic King an exasperated look and replied in a surprisingly high pitched voice. "I've already spun you three rooms of gold ("exactly 375centimeters squared each!" the King added. Eyes rolled were his only response) for this damsel in distress, two rooms for the last girl, and five for your ridiculous summer house. Can we stop this now or is there something else you want?"

"Don't be cold old Rumpel!" the King's voice boomed, "I just need a little favour." He ended with his trademark dazzling smile.

Rumpelstiltskin looked at him expectantly. The King dropped his façade and sunk into a chair. "I think she's pregnant."

"Well it's about time!" Rumpelstiltskin exclaimed, "I mean, for the past…uhmmm," Rumpelstiltskin paused for effect, "three months that you two have been goin' at it like rabb—"  
"YES! I know," the King's voice drowned out the rest of Rumpelstiltskin's sentence. "I need you to take the baby when it's born."  
"Okay,"

"I'll give you money! And I'll pay for your insurance! How about free—"the King did a double take. "You will?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh,"

They both paused as if to absorb the new found agreement.

"On one condition."

"What?"

"You give the lady a chance to guess my name."  
"WHAT! WHY? I thought you want baby meat to eat and enjoy as a delicacy or something! And here I am offering it to you and you want to give the forces against you a chance?"

"Well, not really. I'm sure the baby would taste as delicious as it looks, but the baby thing is just urban myth. Plus, speaking on the baby's behalf, it would be better for it to be raised in a fairly normal environment. And—"

"Wait, wait, you're worried for the baby?"

"Well, yes. It's my maternal instinct."

"Maternal? Wait, you're FEMALE?"

"Yeeeeees," Rumpelstiltskin drew out her reply, giving the King a look that clearly said, 'Please don't' tell me you're just figuring this out now!'

"Oh."

* * *

The King paced the hallway outside the nursery. Today was the day, the deadline for the baby. He could only hope that, of all the names collected throughout the Kingdom none were Rumplestiltskin's.

BANG!

Something in the nursery collapsed, and the King barged into the room.

"Oh honey!" his beautiful wife started, "just in time. I've got great news!"  
The King tried, he really did, not to let a pained expression show on his face. He predicted the worst judging from the Rumpelstiltskin sized hole in the floor.  
"I got the name! It's Rumpelstiltskin! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah," the King couldn't take it anymore. It was as if he was a great big balloon that just got popped. The worst of the worst had happened. "Great. Just great."

"Isn't it?" she replied in the perky, air-headed way only she can do. "Here, hold the baby for a while, I'm going to go get the big book of names and we can choose one for our little prince!" She gently placed the small boy in the King's hands, rearranging them to make them fit better around the baby and left the room.

The king stood there in the middle of the nursery among various toys and cushions looking very out of place. He stared at the squirming life held so loosely in his arms and thought, _Damn, he has nice eyes. My eyes of course._ The baby gurgled reaching up trying to touch the King's nose. _He's kinda cute if you think about it._ Just as that thought crossed the King's mind he felt a wet substance soak onto his hand from the blanket wrapped around the baby. _Oh no, he did not just…_

It was then the King decided he really, _really_ did not want this baby.

* * *

_"Hi..uhmmm," sounds of scrambling, " Big Bad Wolf?"_

_Grunt._

"_I have a favour to ask."_

_Growl.Grunt, _

"_Do you like babies?"_

_Howl._

Author's Note

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Do review!


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